Review - Black Fathers talk about Sex and Kids
This video is a must watch! Black fathers share their view of
being fathers, how being new fathers affect their marriage AND their sex life.
Let's keep it real. Sex changes during pregnancy. Pregnancy changes your
marriage and honestly, these changes can be difficult to adjust to even if it
is for a period of a 4 months-1yr. or the length of time you have children in
your "marital bed" or the home. Here's the video of Ezekiel (the
host), Preston Perry & Beleaf (of Beleaf of Fatherhood):
Consider the fact that prior to
having children affects your lifestyle and sacrifices are made. For women who
work, their work schedule may need to change OR if unable to cut work hours,
childcare should be found, etc. Outside of those responsibilities, men are
wired differently and still need sex. Meanwhile, a tired breastfeeding wife is
expected to meet her husband's sexual needs while still being a mother and an
individual. Women should get out of the mindset of mothering to be a sexy
creature to meet their husband's sexual desires. Granted, there are women who
yearn after sex the way a man usually does and can be ready for sex at any
given moment. However, those women are not in the majority.
So, let's talk about the guilt
trip. Do you ever guilt trip your spouse for not meeting your sexual needs
despite her current state of pregnancy or mothering a young child with many
needs? One of the men shared that rejection from his spouse felt like he was
not needed or nurtured and thus that's the reason he would guilt trip his wife.
All the men agreed stating that they have experienced that same feeling of
rejection when their wife says, NO to sex.
When is it a good time to tell
your children about sex? When they ask as teens? Or when young children ask the
infamous question, "Where do babies come from?" Is there a difference
between telling your daughter versus telling your son about sex? If so, why?
And which parent should introduce the subject? Every.Child.Is.Unique. So, the
way each child it old about sex and when and by which parent is truly dependent
on your child. The men share how they face this challenge and how possibly
sharing information about sex too early can stir up sexual feelings/desires in
children too early. How can you control what "gets out" to children
when you are parenting? What they shared about sex is the importance of sex
being introduced by the right person. As difficult of a challenge it may seem
to be, there are ways to go about it. Talk through these questions with your
spouse at your child's birth.
As a therapist, I have seen
several things happen when children do not learn about sex in a safe space and
from the right individual(s): Sexual abuse, molestation, inappropriate sexual
play with other children (same gender or opposite gender), discomfort having
sex in their adult relationships, shame, experimentation with the same gender
at any age, addictions to pornography and/or sex, etc.
Now some of what is listed may
not seem like a huge deal or anything to worry about and others may seem like
these are things that can never happen. Keep in mind that there are ALOT of
things that you have experienced or not experience sexually that you have lied
about. So just consider for a moment that there may be things that your
child(ren) is not being honest about. As a parent it can be difficult to
maneuver these issues on your own or even truly assess how you feel about it
and why you feel the way you do. This is where therapy comes in. One of the
black fathers addresses how therapy has helped him understood some of his
behaviors and feelings and how it has supported his marriage and changed it for
the best. If you, you and your spouse or even your child is seeking therapy or
life coaching and you are uncertain where to begin, visits my website for more
information and complete the contact sheet and ask how to get started. We are
here to help. All you need to do is take the step.
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Twitter @LWCounsels
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