Miscarriage in the News - Eagles
Being in the spotlight have its positives and negatives. For those individuals who seek validity from others, it allows them the opportunity to receive the affirmation they need. Today's post is not on that so much as it is more on the difficulty of dealing with personal and even medical news in the eyes of everyone else on top of the issues you have to deal with on your own. To have your life played out right before the eyes of millions is overwhelming!
Last night while preparing for bed, my husband gave me terrible news. Not my terrible news, but terrible news nonetheless. He shared very matter-of-fact-like that an Eagles NFL player's wife had a miscarriage. For my readers that like gossip, feel free to look up the person's name. I would rather not state it because I've shared enough information about the person directly as is. Miscarriage at any age is an emotional situation, sometimes for both parents. Parents-to-be pick out names for their child, create a baby registry so friends and family can support baby, mommy-to-be rubs her tummy and have private conversations about what mothering with be like and the eagerness to see baby in 9 months fills the air! It's an exciting thing to be an expecting mother, even if the expected child is your 2nd or 3rd. Every pregnancy is unique, each child is unique and mothers await the moment they can see their child and be drawn in by their smell, their touch and hope to fulfill all the desires of their unborn child.
And then, at N number of weeks, the expectant mother experiences a miscarriage. While the chances of miscarriage falls dramatically after the 1st trimester, especially for a woman who is below 35 yo and who have had a child or children below, it still happens as it did in this case and in cases of women I know personally. In fact, I too experienced a miscarriage. It was very early on and so my experience again is still much different than a mother who is further along, but it is still hurtful. The things a woman believes about herself when she experiences a miscarriage can be devastating. From the outside looking in, people may consider it to be dramatic or that the expectant mother does not care enough about the loss of her unborn child. Yes, people actually say these things. I know. I've lived it!
How true is this statistic? I will not know because many women who experience a miscarriage are ashamed to share that they have experienced this and they have every right to feel that way! I have also read that people experience a miscarriage without even knowing. So this number may actually be more than 25% of women overall who experience a miscarriage. While I did not collect data on this actual stat, I found this and thought it interesting to share.
What can we do as onlookers of events as such:
1. Recognize what happened and be sensitive. Your opinion does not matter. Leave it at the door of your own home.
2. Do not pry. Do not keep asking about the miscarriage. It really is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
3. Do not judge. Perhaps the expectant mother was not ready to be a mother or she trusts that everything happens for a reason and so her experienced miscarriage is handled with less emotions than you expected. So what? Perhaps the expectant mother was raped and may be relieved that a miscarriage occurred. So what? Perhaps the expectant mother is embarrassed or feel that she is cursed because of her failed attempts to carry a child to term. So what? Do not judge the situation. The mother already judges herself. She does not need you to add to that.
4. Take cues from the mother. Follow her lead on how she feels about her loss and support her in that regard. Support does not come in the form of interviewing the mother about her loss and her connection or lack there of with her unborn child. Again, it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
5. If you see your friend needs emotional support, there are therapist and even group therapy that are created for this very reason. Cautiously suggest either of these supports to a friend who you feel may need the information.
In the case of the NFL player's wife. I send my condolences to you and your family. I pray for peace.
If you feel your life spiraling or becoming difficult to manage because of a miscarriage, feel free to contact me for life coaching or mental health counseling by completing this form. Follow me at @LWCOUNSELS on Twitter and Instagram for emotional life support and a sneak peak into the life of a licensed mental health therapist.
And then, at N number of weeks, the expectant mother experiences a miscarriage. While the chances of miscarriage falls dramatically after the 1st trimester, especially for a woman who is below 35 yo and who have had a child or children below, it still happens as it did in this case and in cases of women I know personally. In fact, I too experienced a miscarriage. It was very early on and so my experience again is still much different than a mother who is further along, but it is still hurtful. The things a woman believes about herself when she experiences a miscarriage can be devastating. From the outside looking in, people may consider it to be dramatic or that the expectant mother does not care enough about the loss of her unborn child. Yes, people actually say these things. I know. I've lived it!
How true is this statistic? I will not know because many women who experience a miscarriage are ashamed to share that they have experienced this and they have every right to feel that way! I have also read that people experience a miscarriage without even knowing. So this number may actually be more than 25% of women overall who experience a miscarriage. While I did not collect data on this actual stat, I found this and thought it interesting to share.
What can we do as onlookers of events as such:
1. Recognize what happened and be sensitive. Your opinion does not matter. Leave it at the door of your own home.
2. Do not pry. Do not keep asking about the miscarriage. It really is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
3. Do not judge. Perhaps the expectant mother was not ready to be a mother or she trusts that everything happens for a reason and so her experienced miscarriage is handled with less emotions than you expected. So what? Perhaps the expectant mother was raped and may be relieved that a miscarriage occurred. So what? Perhaps the expectant mother is embarrassed or feel that she is cursed because of her failed attempts to carry a child to term. So what? Do not judge the situation. The mother already judges herself. She does not need you to add to that.
4. Take cues from the mother. Follow her lead on how she feels about her loss and support her in that regard. Support does not come in the form of interviewing the mother about her loss and her connection or lack there of with her unborn child. Again, it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
5. If you see your friend needs emotional support, there are therapist and even group therapy that are created for this very reason. Cautiously suggest either of these supports to a friend who you feel may need the information.
In the case of the NFL player's wife. I send my condolences to you and your family. I pray for peace.
If you feel your life spiraling or becoming difficult to manage because of a miscarriage, feel free to contact me for life coaching or mental health counseling by completing this form. Follow me at @LWCOUNSELS on Twitter and Instagram for emotional life support and a sneak peak into the life of a licensed mental health therapist.
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