No Family

Dear Linneá,

I am a 46 year old woman, single, no children and currently no boyfriend. I feel like I have been very successful in life. I have a job that I really enjoy and where I feel respected. There is room for growth at my company and I have been doing just that. I recently got a promotion to a managerial role last October. I was previously in a supervisory role and started working at the company from an entry level position. So I feel good about where I am in my career. 

I have a family that loves me and cares about me but they have also asked me when am I going to have some babies. I know that recently a lot of people have had children later on in life. I never thought that would be me, however, it is shaping out to be that way. I am relatively happy especially when I’m in my own world or working the job I love. It’s really just when I get around family and some of my friends that I am reminded of the very lonely life I lead. This leads to unhealthy eating from a bucket of chicken to ice cream and cookies and my favorite fries. I guess I eat when I feel lonely. Then I feel remorseful and go running at the gym the next day. Sometimes I cry about it. I don’t think I’ve ever admitted that last part out loud. All I know is that I am lonely and it’s the saddest reality. I don’t know how to deal with it. What should I do? - No family in Fresno -

Dear Fresno,

It is very common to experience feelings of loneliness at your age having not accomplished or arrived at the family that you’d hoped for by this point in your life. As age is a huge issue with healthy pregnancies, what I would recommend is looking into other options for having a child. So that would include adoption, becoming a foster parent, or freezing your eggs. I am uncertain if you do desire a relationship before you have children. Based on your wording, I believe that you would preferred to have a relationship and be married before having kids.

My recommendation would be to get connected to a therapist immediately. Someone who preferably specializes in depression and anxiety and perhaps even a relationship counselor. This counseling should be beneficial in helping you work through your reasoning for being alone and understanding why you have been single. The sessions can also help create healthy boundaries in relationships as well as learning how to identify any fears that you may not be aware that exist. The reality is that there are things in life that is going to happen that is not pleasant and will elicit feelings of hurt, disappointment, betrayal, etc. However, with counseling you should learn appropriate coping skills to combat those feelings and respond in a productive and healthy manner.

If you do need more specific support, feel free to email me back directly for support. If I cannot help you, I can help you find someone that will. Also, I must say that it took real courage inquiring about this so kuddos to you for taking your first step in seeking support. That’s why I am here. 

@LWCOUNSELS