Feeling Defeated

I feel like I have not tapped into my full potential. I am a newish mom of twin girls. My husband and I are pretty content in our marriage. We’ve had issues in the past but thanks to Counseling we were able to get back on track. My concern rests with me. Before we got married, I wanted to go back to school to become a lawyer. This is a completely different field that I have my degree in. I shared those thoughts with my husband but we couldn’t afford school at the time so we delayed it.

Then a year later we got pregnant and now my girls are 2 and I still have not applied to school. I just see the months floating by and another year is upon us and I am still on this same old train ride. I want to get out. I wish j had just done it before I got married but then we were planning the wedding and then we were ‘waiting’ until we saved up which we haven’t and then we became pregnant and it’s just one thing after the other. I feel so defeated. I don’t know if my husband will support me in my attempt to go back to school especially now that we have children and they are still so young. What do I do?

Defeated in Detroit

Dear Defeated,

Often times as adults we get to a point where we feel like we have not met the goals that we had intended to meet within a particular time frame. This is not unusual however it can be very upsetting and it could possibly lead to resentment towards your spouse...or worst yet your children.

My question for you is do you currently have the finances to go back to school? If so, going back to school is possible. There are many single parents that do it so don’t count it out just yet. 

Take the time to research schools, whether you can attend full time or part time and how that will affect your income. You may also want to consider how to adjust your expenses in the event you won’t be able to replicate your income while you attend school. Do the research, prepare to present the info to your spouse and be vigilant. Attending school, being a wife, working and being a mom is not for the faint at heart. You will also need to make time for self-care.

Most importantly, stop beating yourself up for time spent that you cannot get back. Cut yourself some slack and look forward to what you can do now to better the situation and to meet your goals at a pace that works for you and your family. Best wishes.

Linneá Willis, LCPC, LPC