Holiday Sex Chronicles - Baby Daddy

I pride myself on being very loyal. I’ve been married now for 8 years and happily at that. We don’t have any children together, though I had a son from a previous relationship. That son passed away about a year ago at the tender age of 10 in a hit and run. I’m 37 yrs old now and my husband Eric* wants to try to grow our family. We hoped to get pregnant within the first five years of marriage, but try as we might, we were unsuccessful. About a year ago we decided to try again but still nothing.  To make matters worse, the timing of my son’s death, combined with our fertility issues put a great deal of strain on our marriage. We were able to relieve some of the issues through therapy, but deep down I still feel empty and lost. I know Eric loves me and I adore him with all my heart, but I’ve struggled to fully overcome overwhelming feelings of sadness.

Recently, I was not feeling well, and after not getting better after a couple weeks, I decided to take a pregnancy test, and lo and behold, it came back positive! Unfortunately, this isn’t the good news I was hoping for, since I don’t know who the father is. So, let me just explain to you what happened. Like I said before I am loyal, but during a particularly tough stretch last year before beginning therapy, Eric and I chose to have an open marriage as opposed to divorcing. We decided that we would each be allowed to have sex with a new partner for a period of 3 months. We quickly found suitable partners and began our three-month journey. Things went so well, in fact, that I’ll just say, Eric and I had no complaints about our decision. And even better, our marriage got stronger during this period.

I met my FWB Paul* at the grocery store one day. I was browsing the produce section and he was nearby trying to find a ripe pineapple. He called me over and asked for help. I could tell that he was really struggling, and we laughed a little at the debacle. Knowing that I was attracted to him, I gave him my number for “the next time he needs a pineapple.” It was that evening that I told Eric that I felt like I found someone I could be with for a short time. Eric gave me the go ahead and I contacted Paul later that week. We spent a lot of time together at his place not watching movies we would put on at the start of our evenings. The sex was so intense for someone who I recently met. I felt like he knew my body better than my husband did. Paul knew both when to take his time and when to give it to me rough. He knew when I just preferred oral and how to hold me if I needed. He was just all-around perfect in the bedroom. Now, I forgot to mention that because my husband and I had tried to have children for such a long time and failed, we presumed I was barren. So, maybe once or twice in the heat of the moment, Paul and I had unprotected sex. Everything just felt so good, everything was so warm and his breath on my back was amazing as I climaxed. As we climaxed. The summer ended, and Eric and I returned to our regularly scheduled marriage with renewed vigor. 

These days we go on dates and have a better time than ever, and our sex is still pretty good. Eric is no slouch in the bedroom. I would like to say that I keep him coming back for more as well. Even though I thought that I was barren my menstrual cycle remained constant. Now we are in November 2018 and I recently missed my last period, which leads me to this pregnancy test. I know that I was supposed to stop having sex with Paul but, because we were already having such incredible sex, ending things completely seemed premature. Eric does not know that I still see Paul from time to time and I plan on keeping it that way. I don’t know if I should tell Eric that I’m pregnant or if I should try to terminate the pregnancy. It’s awful because we tried for so long and Eric wants to be and would be such a great father. How do I tell the man that I love and have been married to for nearly a decade that I may be pregnant for another man? I can’t tell Paul about the pregnancy either, because what if he wants to keep the baby? What if Paul is the father and he wants to be in the child’s life? The worst part is that I still fantasize about Paul daily, even though I’m pregnant. It’s really just so good that I cannot help myself. I have no idea what to do.

I did respond to this letter since there seemed to be a question at the end. This is one of the advice column questions I got that seemed more oriented. If you are interested in reading my response, I can share that as well. If you need relationship counseling, marriage counseling or counseling to manage stress in your relationships, please contact me: www.lpctservices.com