Too busy for sex in marriage

“My spouse and I have been so busy that we have not had sex in over 3 months.  I’m busy in school and he’s busy working. We try to have date nights, but it ends up being a quick dinner date and we are asleep before dessert. We have only been married for 1 year! I thought this only happened to older couples, but I can say that we have always been a busy couple. I have wanted to bring up the idea of having a 3-some to bring the spark back into our relationship, but I’m not sure how to bring it up. I have had 3-somes in the past with my former bf and a girl and I feel like we brought up the idea about the same time while we were on a date night. He was less serious and we had nothing to lose so that relationship was different. With my husband, I really am at a loss. Do you have any tips? – Little sex in Alexandria, Virginia

 

Dear Little Sex, 

Congratulations to 1 year of marriage, you have a lifetime to go! It certainly is not strange to be so busy that sex gets put off. Sometimes, we may not realize how much time has passed. Let’s get to your question. Having a 3-some is adventurous and once you welcome another person into your marital bed, it can create other issues. Be certain you want to bring it up because he will remember that you have asked him about this and can either judge you, be indifferent or request following through even if you change your mind about it.

Here are a couple ways you can bring it up:

• Schedule a time to sit down and discuss your sexual needs/sexual desires. You may learn that he has similar thoughts as you, but be prepared for him to be disinterested as well.
• You can also research an article that speaks about 3-somes and email it to him and ask him for his thoughts. That way you can slowly bring up the topic without pushing your views and expectations on him.
• Engage in an activity that is relaxing to get you both in a relaxed state and then you can broach the subject. 
• Perhaps if you know the type of woman he likes, draw attention to her when he is and gauge his response. If he seems interested, then this may be your window. If he doesn’t go for it, then try to bring it up at a different time and see how he responds. 
• Use a combination of the above. 

In any case, be sure to explore your own thoughts on the matter because again it is difficult to forget this topic being brought up and while some people love adventure, others can be disgusted. This is a great opportunity to learn more about your husband.