Intimacy in Marriage - Engage in an activity together

In a marriage, it is really important that you have independent interests and activities that allows you to grow individually. However, it is just as important to engage in some activities together to also grow your marriage. Yes this includes dating. You see marriage is truly what you make it. So, in order for you to maintain intimacy, memories should be built together. 

For instance, when you do work everyday, do you just say you work and earn money or do you actually conduct business of some sort which leads to income? How can you say that you have a good marriage or think you have a good marriage when you do little to no work to maintain intimacy in your marriage? Intimacy is the oil that keeps the marriage moving forward. It also helps with maintaining attraction to your spouse.

What I have found with many of the couples I counsel, they have lost all or most of the intimacy which often times is replaced with resentment and/or anger. Today, I want to focus on not what leads to the breakdown of intimacy but one tried and true method of building and rebuilding intimacy in marriage. Here are some tips you can use to building intimacy with the use of activities:

1. Make a list of activities you both enjoy on two individual lists. 
2. Compare these lists. - you may find you have a few activities you both enjoy doing in common so circle those. (What if there are no similar activities on your individual lists?) Do this: thank your partner for sharing and review your partner’s list. Then, select 2-3 activities from your partner’s list that you can try. Yes ladies, you don’t enjoy fishing and wouldn’t be caught dead in fisherman’s gear but this may be an activity you can enjoy together. Sometimes your partner just needs to see that you are open to their world and interests as opposed to you scoffing at them. 
3. Ask your partner for 1 activity from their list that they would like you to do with them. 
4. BE OPEN
5. Make room for trial and error. - Be patient with this process. For some couples, this activity may be an easy. For others, it may take a bit more effort. Don’t shy away from putting work into building intimacy in your relationship. It is important. If one activity did not quite work out, try another and remain open to the process of finding activities that work for you.
6. Finally, if you need to see it (like I do), make a list of the activities you can do together and every week pick one activity and do it! :-) 

We all have the same 24 hours in a day. Refrain from making excuses to not participate in your partner’s activity, which is being an active participant in their interests and their life. Make.The.Effort. I read a recent article that described a longitudinal study on marriage of both African American and Caucasian (same-race couples). The findings reported that one of the top reasons for divorce in that study was that the male partner had issues with the female partner's friends which includes activities the wife shared with her friend and the bond that grew out of that shared experience. In other words, the men felt like their wives had a closer bond with their friend than their wife had with them. Hmmmm. Another study conducted in 2012 reported that out of a list of options, 55% of divorced spouses selected that they grew apart and 53% selected not being able to talk to their spouse. When you date, you create avenues for discussion and you can grow together as a unit. So, why would you stop dating when you are married? I must reiterate, a marriage cannot work if there is no work being put into it. Don't allow your schedule to get so bogged down that you cannot engage in any activities with your spouse. Renew your spark. 

If you continue to have challenges with this activity and need some support, I do provide couples counseling and couple's coaching for those who may just need a check-up session. This is all done in the convenience of your own home via tele-therapy and virtual coaching.

Visit my website for more details and complete the contact me page: www.lpctservices.com