Late Bloomer

I am engaged to be married to the love of my life. I feel trapped sometimes because I want to be in a loving marriage however I feel like I have not ‘lived’. What I mean by lived is that I have not dated multiple people, or have had sex with a lot of women and I do not feel like I have completely finished sowing my seed. I know my fiancé will leave me if I tell her what I have been thinking but I do not want to lose her. Honestly, I have actually stepped out on her. There are so many beautiful women and so little time! I do not seek romantic relationships with these women that I have sex with but I do enjoy this adventure. Should I tell her? And should I continue to push for us to be married? I think I have a hard stop once we are married.

Adventurous in Annapolis

Dear Adventurous,

As a health provider I must ask: Are you using protection? Also, have you been tested for any STDs? One of the concerns is that you could be putting your fiancee at risk due to your sexual exploitations. Your sexual exploits should not risk the health of your fiancee and your health as well.

Now that I have completed my public service announcement, you do need to thoroughly identify if marriage is the next step for you. When individuals consider marriage, one of the pieces of marriage is loyalty. If you intend on continuing to have sexual relationships with other women, then you are not in a position to be loyal to your soon to be wife. If you do intend on being honest with her, be prepared for her to go through a range of emotions and possibly end the engagement and relationship. 

You have to decide if you can disregard your sexual affairs in order to maintain your engagement to your fiancee or if you want to continue your sexual affairs, you should tell your fiancee and see how she would like to proceed. Often times in relationships one partner in the relationship makes decisions for the whole. That is never a good thing. Decisions that affect the relationship should be made together to include sexual behaviors. You never know. You may find a possible circumstance where she has been having those same feelings and would like to have an open relationship prior to the actual vows being exchanged or possibly into the marriage; However, you will not know if you do not say anything.

From the perspective of a Christian, there should be abstinence before marriage. This whole theory that you must have multiple sexual partners prior to marriage have no statistical basis. This belief was created to excuse the sexual sinful nature of man. The question for you sir is will you yield to it?